Milton Oliver
"MONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"- Milton Oliver Milton is a young, peppy and gratuitously fucking attractive lad with a passion for all things gaming. From a young age, he has been in love with the pixels, ever since his father (Jamie Oliver) bought him a '1996 model HumBang Gaming Gear Extension: Blasting Agent 20th Anniversary Edition' for Christmas in early 2005. Milton is currently on tour (as of 20th September 2016) with his uncle's band, Baked Potato, the lead singer/Sink banger of which is Milton's uncle, Barry Podmore. Early Life Milton was born in a small shed in western Gibraltar to his mother (Name Unknown) and Jamie Oliver, the famous TV chef, in early 2002. Not much is known about The first 5 years of his life, other than that he spent his 3rd, 4th and 5th playing video games with Jamie, who regularly sneaked out of the house and got on a plane, simply to play with the child of his affair. It is reported by multiple local news organisations in Gibraltar that Milton could be seen hanging out in front of Cafes and Patisseries, hoping that crumbs would fall into his perpetually open maw, and that he looked like 'A pretty cool guy'. It is established that he did not live with his mother, but it is a mystery as to where exactly he stayed and why it was that she disappeared. On his 6th birthday, Milton decided to 'Nut-up', and fashioned a raft out of miscellaneous stolen items scavenged from the local area, earning him the title of 'El flotador de piel blanca', or 'The White-Skinned Floater', and attempted to sail it into a nearby reservoir. Unfortunately, the tide was far too severe, and Milton's raft disseminated into the water, forever polluting the town's supply of water with bits of toaster and John Cena T-shirts. Milton was rescued by a passing cow, whose tail made for a great rope! Shortly after, he ate the cow, but it was the journey that mattered to Milton, not the destination, and to this day he treasures and relishes in his time spent with the cow. Later that day, Jamie Oliver arrived with a mini-fridge full of yazoo and a load of nice prezzies for Milton, but when he heard of the near-death experience that his son had experienced, he got Milton's ass on the next plane to tokyo, where he lived for the next year and a half. The Tokyo Years Milton immediately set up a small perogy shop upon landing, which was burned to the ground and rebuilt several times before becoming a staple of the Akihabara community, and attracting even Emperor Akihito to try some of dat sweet pastry. It was this business venture that led Milton to meet his current manager, amateur weatherman Frankie MacDonald, who took a shine to Milton's fresh perogies, even making his own kind hailing from his home nation of Canada (The Manitoba Perogie). When Frankie left, Milton continued to thrive in the Akihabara scene, baking fresh perogies for all to enjoy, until the emperor discovered the grotesque process behind the production line. As it turns out, Milton had been using the underpaid labor of multiple children, as well as 3 captured vietnamese slaves to construct his perogies behind a blue tarpaulin 'round the back. Emperor Akihito himself turned up at the door with his trusty .44 magnum, and shot Milton multiple times through the chest, legs and left arm, leaving him mortally wounded in a local hospital. Milton was slipping away from life, and just at the last moment, Jamie Oliver appeared and stuffed Milton's collapsing chest full of chicken Kiev, forever replacing his heart with breaded chicken and herb butter. Soon after this incident, Jamie decided that enough was enough, and told his wife about Milton. Quite frankly, she didn't really care, and Milton took residence in their basement. The Basement Days Another year passed, and around the time of his 8th birthday, Milton started noticing that he wasn't like the other children at his school. His fingers would periodically grow a greasy, breaded coating that had to be removed before it rooted, and he would have to sop up warm garlic butter from the corners of his mouth. When he asked Jamie about the problem, he refused to comment, stating that Milton would learn everything soon enough, and that dark days were coming. Milton refused to give up though, and one night while Jamie thought he was in bed, Milton slipped out of the basement and into the Sub-basement, where Jamie spent most of his off-camera time. What he saw here would shape his future irreparably. The Mother-Bot Jamie Oliver was standing over a table, laughing in a frenzy of maniacal cliche. Milton saw a figure lying on the table, a figure from his past. He could make out her pronounced brown locks that fell to the tops of her ears, and her near-spherical nose that was bulbous and soft to the touch. When he confronted Jamie, he attacked Milton, scaring him away. Milton roamed the streets for weeks, looking for an answer to the ever-pressing question of 'What did i just see?'. When he was confident